Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
“Only 18% of therapists in the United States conducting couple therapy have actually
had training in how to do couple therapy. Most therapists claiming to be competent
in working with couples are applying training they received in working with individuals
to the couple dynamic and think that this will work; it doesn’t.”
─ Dr. Mark Krupp, Certified EFT Therapist
Relationships can become disconnected.
Some partners, possibly both, wonder, “How did we ever get here? I don’t even think I know them anymore.”
Now, your partner feels so distant from you. You both live in the same house, but nothing connects you anymore, unlike it used to be. His work is all-consuming, and you don’t spend any time together, not like you used to do. When he finally gets home at night, he’s on his phone or the computer.
Having sex hardly occurs anymore. You begin to wonder, “Does my partner even find me attractive? I’ve been on every diet known to man to please him.”
Roommate is the best way to describe your relationship, making you feel like giving up. Then you start thinking, “I give up, and I just don’t want to try anymore. I feel so alone. I love him, but I’m not in love with him.”
Characters change, but the story sounds familiar.
The above story is one I’ve heard countless times from couples.
As I write this page, I see two butterflies playing, interacting, and dancing. Nearly every species on this planet has that need to connect and feel bonded to another being, either human or animal.
But when the relationship goes awry, those feelings of warmth and love become replaced by fear, rejection, sadness, and feeling unloved and alone – to cite a few of the emotions that are so often present.
EFT helps with relationship recovery.
Emotionally Focused Therapy can help uncover and understand how your relationship has become so distant, whether by feeling emotionally disconnected as described above or disconnected through conflict.
Often, conflict erupts because negative attention is better than no attention, and no attention translates into having no relationship. And so, you have learned how to push each other’s buttons for negative attention over the years. Your relationship has become part of your unique dance of how couples get hijacked.
I refer to this hijacking as “going down the rabbit hole.” Once you understand how those buttons get pushed because of feeling hurt or fearful and how the dance turns into “joust and defend.” EFT will show you how to slow down the conflict, call out the dance, be vulnerable, and express emotions of hurt or fear underlying resentment and anger.
Instead of “joust and defend,” you can now express understanding, empathy, and compassion to your partner. Once that deepening occurs, and through repetition, you can now heal those old hurts and rediscover the emotional connection in your relationship.
Take a step for reconnection.
Don’t stay disconnected; let’s work on your reconnection.
Contact me today so that we can focus on your relationship.